As Clear as an Extremely Clear Thing
by Devil Hunter Yohko
Summary: A princess has balls once a week to find a guy who will marry her for her money, status or beauty and not marry her for love. So she meets a Well-Dressed Guy who might just marry her for her beauty!


Another ball was going on, and it was much like last week's. Dashing Princes came, princes came and no one wanted to marry for money. How many times had she asked the same question? How many princes said they wanted "love," whatever that was? It was so infuriating. Love was so stupid.  
  
"Hey, will you marry you for my money, status or overwhelming beauty?" she asked.  
  
"I want to love you and make you happy," her dancing partner insisted. She blew her bangs (or fringe) out of her eyes and laughed. Oh what stupid princes there were! Marriage was to raise one's status and money! Duh! Blowing the guy off, she walked away. Before she had taken three steps, another guy asked her to dance.  
  
"Will marry me for my status, as a princess?" she asked again. Again, the guy shook his head. Sighing, she blew him off too. Is this what it was like? Love, what rubbish! She wanted it to be like the fairy tales, where princes came to save princesses and marry them because they were princesses, or they were pretty. Who cares about love? Those fairy tale princes should exist now, she thought.  
  
"You're a hot chick. Dance with me, babe," a guy asked her. She nodded, happy for some guy who liked her beauty better than whatever "love" she couldn't return.  
  
"Will you let me have affairs?" she asked. Oh, what was marriage if you didn't have affairs? Married people must have affairs; it is what married people do. And guys who wanted "love" would get annoyed if you have affairs behind their back, or even in front of them. It was so aggravating.  
  
"Who said anything about marriage, chicky?" he asked. Instantly, she liked him. He didn't begin every sentence with, "Dashing Princes . . ." and he didn't want love. He didn't even want to marry her!  
  
"Ooh! You rock! Awesome!" she squealed and danced away, considerably happier. Running to her room, she grabbed her Hanger and a very tiny, very flat black cat that she stuffed in a pouch. The Hanger she stuffed in her belt and climbed out of the tower. Last week's trip to find a perfect husband didn't work. Maybe this week's would. She'd return when she ran out of Paperclips, the accepted currency in her country.  
  
"I challenger you to a Hanger Fight!" someone yelled when she reached the bottom of the tower. Looking around her, she wondered who could have made that noise when it was dark. People don't yell odd things in the dark! Suddenly, a light lit up the ground and revealed an underdressed girl sporting a mighty nice Hanger.  
  
"Uh, okay," the princess said as she took out her Hanger. Hangers look and act like the hangers used to hang up clothes in a closet. In fact, they are made of the same materials and often Hangers are used to hang up clothes when they're not used in a fight. All Hangers are plastic and cannot have sharp points, or anything that could hurt someone. The point of a Hanger Fight is to have the hook of one Hanger attach itself to the inside loop of the other Hanger. No one should get hurt. Hanger Fights are intended as a way to prove who's the best while still having living losers. For the record, there have been no reported deaths.  
  
The Fight began. Hanger Fights take very little skill and less strategy. The winner is always the one with more luck. Quickly, the other girl won.  
"You know, why don't you join me on my journey! It won't cut into your schedule, I promise. I plan to return here in a few days at most, and if the journey does cut into your schedule, I'll give you a money back refund!" the princess said. Skipping away, she ran into the forest. The night went by quickly and the next morning, she ran into a Well-Dressed Guy.  
  
"Wow! You're dressed well!" she exclaimed at seeing him. "Will you marry me because I have a lot of money or I'm ravishingly gorgeous? And not marry me for love?"  
  
He looked at her and thought, "Hmm, she is very beautiful. I think she's the most attractive woman I've ever met. I could learn to love her. But I'd marry her because she is drop-dead gorgeous."  
  
"I'll think about it," he said and joined her on her journey. Through the city, he watched her ask every man, even a bunch of married men if they'd marry her for her status. They all said she deserved to be loved and she blew them all off. He laughed so hard at the other men.  
  
"Dashing Princes must marry cats. Dashing Princes must marry two cats! It is Rule #4" a Dashing Prince announced when she asked him if he's marry her for money. She sighed. All Dashing Princes had to start every sentence with, "Dashing Princes . . ."  
  
"I need a cloak!" she exclaimed suddenly one afternoon. Off she ran with the Hanger Fighter and the Well-Dressed Guy tagging along behind her.  
  
"Dashing Princes must rescue princesses in trouble! It is rule #8!" a Dashing Prince yelled suddenly. They all ignored him and ran into a clothes store to avoid him. Buying a nice cloak, the princess ran out of the store and out of the town.  
  
"Hey, Well-Dressed Guy! I forgot about you. Will you marry me for my Beauty, Social Status or Money? And not marry me for money?" she asked him.  
  
"I'd marry you for your looks, because I'm I prince and I don't need your status or your money," the Well-Dressed Guy said knowledgeably. He had spent a good deal of time thinking (as much time as one could have to think in two days) about how he'd reply to her request. He was pretty sure that he had decided how he'd reply when she first asked him that and had not needed all that time to think about it. But he had nothing better to think about, being that he had spent most of his life before that thinking about stuff and he was very sick of it. By the age of twelve he had read more philosophers than one could count on one's fingers, toes, internal organs and maybe some piano keys. He himself had already written a few best sellers and published a few more life philosophies according to stuck-up- rich-princes. Of course his philosophy books were very popular with princes all over and quite a few dukes and barons. One of his books was called, "An Extremely Stuck Up, Extremely Rich Prince's View on the Universe and Everything Else He Can Think Of." The title was usually talked about by its shortened name, "The Rich and Snobby Prince's View on Practically Everything Under the Sun." Rich people have to do something with their time, and it might as well be talking about books with abnormally long titles.  
  
"Good, let's go to my palace and get married!" she exclaimed. "C'mon Hanger Fighter, you can be my maid of honor! Or a flower girl! Or you could get married too! I know scads of guys who will marry for 'love,' whatever that is. If you don't like 'love' than you could marry a slug, I guess." The Hanger Fighter grinned and followed her through the forest and to the palace. The weeks seemed to fly by as wedding arrangements were made. The Well-Dressed Guy was very nice and many of the ladies liked him immediately and flirted with him constantly. He knew that none were as drop dead gorgeous as the full-blooded princess. No one but a princess could have pure gold hair or eyes as clear as an extremely clear thing. Only princesses have a perfect Barbie-like figure (well, slightly like Barbie. If Barbie was human sized she'd be seven feet tall and her legs would be at least four and a half feet tall. Barbie's a freak, princesses aren't) and the perfect ruby lips, that were as perfect as a really pretty stained glass window!  
  
The wedding was brilliant. Everything was wonderful. During the whole marriage, the Well-Dressed Guy thought, "God, she's beautiful. I'm glad she's my wife, even though, like all marriages, she'll have affairs left and right. I won't mind, I probably have a bunch of affairs myself."  
  
"Princess of Whatever Country You're From, you are officially married to this Well-Dressed Guy Who's A Prince From Another Country That's Not Yours," a priest guy said and the couple kissed. And everyone lived happily ever after. Not. They had a bunch of affairs but stayed married because they just looked so cute together in the photos. Some really ignorant people said they were a match made in heaven, but they knew they were just a match made for TV. They were part of a really bad sit-com where the parents have a failing marriage because both had a bunch of affairs. Except, because it's on prime-time, the affairs and failing marriage cannot be shown. So the Well-Dressed Guy and the Princess had a Happily Ever After (they named their daughter the very common name, Happily Ever After). 


End file.
